New Fox News Poll Shows...

According to an online poll hosted at FoxNews.com earlier this week, some 230,349,192 voters believe that Fox News polls were completely fair and unbiased. The number of Americans who believe Fox's online polls might be slightly biased was -3,124.

Other recent Fox polls include 'Herman Goerring - a model for young Americans or a spooky closet liberal?" and "Do your neighbors love America enough - what measures should be taken to ensure they do?"

In related news, Fox also reported today that dark-skinned people of unknown nationality are preparing to attack an unknown target in the United States that authorities believe is 'probably near where you live and work'.

"We're not sure where, exactly, and don't have any real solid information on whether it will be nukular, or an ordinary, more boring type of bomb," said one anonymous Pentagon informant who works for Fox. "But we have.. er.. credible information that indicates an attack may happen anywhere this week.. or next, or even next April. Above all, we'd like all citizens to be on the alert - prepared for the unforeseeable and unpreventable."

This is not the first time Fox News has requested it's viewers to be afraid about things it cannot supply specific information about. Critics of Fox News claim that creating a general atmosphere of panic is a cynical tool of goverment to keep people sedate and unquestioning of lunatic foreign policies that do little more than erode international support of this country.

"The people who say such things hate your freedom," declared career-American Bill O'Reilly. "It has nothing to do with US foreign policy; they hate your freedom and are prepared to die to stop you having a broad choice of frozen burrittos in your supermarket."

"This is just deranged liberal wackiness," agreed Sean Hannity at Fox. "These people are more of a danger to this country than terrorists - or even the illuminati. What they're doing is trying to stop ordinary, decent patriotic Americans from being very, very afraid most of the time. This is reckless, irresponsible, and won't give America's most beloved news source good ratings. The only newsworthy reaction to these people, we believe, is of absolute moral outrage. We at Fox also believe that fear is an ennervating emotion, and very condusive to a healthy functioning economy as well as keeping people on the alert. It reminds American citizen to keep a close eye on their local minorities, to report anything suspicious to Homeland Security.

"Another benefit of fear is that people eat and consume more when they're scared. I ask you - how many Frozen Burrittos would be sold if people weren't a bit spooked each day? And who would watch the news if there was nothing to worry about?"

Hannity added: "Liberals just don't get it."

Note: Fox News, owned by Australian business tycoon Rupert Murdoch, is considered by many patriotic Americans as a fair and balanced news source. Brainsnap Media (www.brainsnap.com, the source of this article) is not owned by Fox News Corp. Yet.