What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was I kid I went through phases. First I wanted to be a paleontologist. Then I wanted to be a "bridge engineer". As I grew up I had other flights of fancy. I especilly wanted to be a pilot (no pun intended) like my father and many of his brothers. The one thing I never wanted to be was a ego-centric self important ass.

Where do these people come from? They are usually in the upper echelon of middle management. (The worst kind really). They have no authority to make decisions or initiate anything but they have the power to delay stall or thwart any of the best laid plans. This can be subversively, subconciously or even just plain accidentally. These are people who will show up to a meeting late without apologizing, as if to say "hey, my time is far more important than yours, so no apologies here, just wait and like it". They are so self important that they "forget" your name, or worse they simply act as if you have never been in their glorious presence before.... ("I'm sorry have we met? I'm so and so VP of etc")

So here are some fun deflation tips.

1. When a tete a tete approaches, get on the phone to friend you haven't spoke with in awhile (prefferably someone you have a dumb nickname for who does not know what you do right now). With any luck the Ego (as I like to callthem) will have to stand and wait as you give them the "just a minute sorry" mouth thing and will have to endure a conversation something like"oh my god squirrel-nuts I can't believe you were stealing the president of Swahili's ice cream. That reminds of when I was chillin with (insert name of someone who ranks higher then the Ego) and he suggested we (insert silly drunk plans here)" after a few minutes (not too rude right...) Hang up and then launch into the meeting topic authoritatively without apology or explanation. The Ego will simply follow along in the meeting give you appropriate affirmatives and then trundle off to wherever they came from.

2. When you meet up with one of these people and they forget your name, tell them a wrong name. Allow the wrong name to be used repeatedly and indefinitely UNTIL it bennefits the Ego for them to know you. Then they will name drop your name like "oh hey bill, here comes that techie genius I was telling you about, (fake-name) Artemus .". Then you respond "I'm sorry, but my name is Charles, and you are????" This works surprisingly well, and the Ego's boss will certainly not forget a poised young man like yourself.

3. Another variation of the fake name is to beat them to the punch. When the Ego approaches with the I've forgotten your name gambit, simply reply "its ok (insert name of the Ego's assistant here) my name is etc." They will then fume a bit and say, "my name is Ego, so and so is my assistant". You can reply with "oh, well so and so was very helpful, so I just assumed they were in charge" or some other hurtful reply.

In time I hope to compile a larger list of Ego-reduction ploys, and please feel free to add your own.

One last thought here, as with ugly people and sluts there is an Ego in every group, so if you think one of the above mentioned personalities is missing from your group-------- its you.

In the words of the immortal Jerry Springer, "take care of yourselves..... and each other"

From number 12-in-line-for-take-off,

-c